Here are 7 actions you can do right now as a single woman, to prepare for marriage—even if there is no suitable man in the picture at the moment. With every point there is scripture, so I hope this encourages you to get into the Word and pray about these areas for yourself. I also want to encourage you that God cares very much about this area of your life! You don’t just have to just “figure it all out” on your own and hope to get “lucky.” God made you uniquely you! He sees you and of course He cares about who you’re going to marry!
I know, so many exclamation marks, but this is a topic I am so passionate about because I can see how faithful God was to me in my single years and in directing my steps to my husband. And what He did for me, I believe He can do for you, in your own unique and beautiful way! I encourage you, as you read (or listen to the youtube video here) to seek the Holy Spirit on what these actions could look like in your own very unique life.
(Also, I do feel the need to add, we don’t believe there is just ONE man out there for you. That would mean we could mess it up and miss him or he miss us. But we do believe that God knows who we will end up marrying.)
Okay here are the 7 actions you can do:
1. Find & Listen to Encouraging Marriage Testimonies
“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1
Find love stories that build your faith! Stories of couples, that sought the Lord, trusted in Him, the ones that you listen to and get so excited about because God is in the details! Listening to these stories will build your faith that God still writes love stories today. I encourage this ESPECIALLY when you feel discouraged about this area of your life. Re-listen to a story that you know encouraged you. It get’s you back into hopefulness instead of cynicism and despair.
And I will say, no love story is the same. God made us uniquely, so each of our love stories is going to be unique to us. Therefore, don’t feel you have to try and copy someone else’s story, making it into a formula. Don’t look for a play by play formula, look for the testimony that God loves you and wants to be part of your love story, so seek the Him… which is another point I will get to further down.
Here is a great testimony, that I find so encouraging. It’s Mia Fields story of how she met her husband. I first listened to this after I was married, a friend sent it to me, and I listen to it whenever I need encouragement to build my faith for the things I am hoping for : https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-beautiful-story/id1070613870?i=1000421124095
2. You can be doing your husband good right now… before you even know who he is.
“She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” (Proverbs 31:12)
Have you ever noticed that 3 letter word in this verse… ALL. This blew my mind when I first heard Leslie Ludy point out that the Proverbs 31 woman “did her husband good not harm ALL the days of her life” meaning before she even met him, she was doing him good not harm. That means right now, with your choices you can be doing your husband good not harm before you know who he is! This looks like guarding your purity—body, mind, and screen. Taking care of yourself. Learning skills that will be a blessing to your home economy someday (cooking, gardening, sewing, frugality.) Even down to how you interact with the guys that you like- they may not end up being your future husband, and that’s totally okay! You can be honorable to them, their future wives and your future husband by your “pure and respectful conduct (Peter 3:2)” towards them.
3. You can be praying for him right now… before you even know who he is.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16
“Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.” Mark 11:24
Your husband is somewhere in the world right now. He’s a real guy doing real things, and even though you have no clue who he is or where He is, God knows. So your prayers can bless & benefit his life before you even know his name or his face! Ask God what he needs prayer for, pray scripture over him. Pray for his purity. Pray that God would give him wisdom, for his calling, even for his future roles as husband and father.
You could write your prayers down in your journal. I did this, and it was really amazing to pull out my old journals after I married Scott and see the things I prayed for him, now that I know him and his story and where he was in the world.
Write him letters with your prayers for him. This is also something I did, especially when I was struggling with being single. It made him real by writing to him, it gave me an action instead of moping in my misery of singleness and instead helping me build faith and hope that one day I will be married.
You could have a landmark that you often drive by, that’s a sign to remind you to pray for your husband today. I also did this when I was working at a seminary, whenever I’d noticed that roadsign on my drive into work, it was a reminder to pray for my husband.
4. Seek Wisdom from the Lord, Asking Him To Direct Your Steps
“A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
“You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11
I will be the first to say, it’s not easy being single. It’s sometimes hard to know what you’re supposed to do, where you’re supposed to be. How in the world are you going to meet a man? I noticed for myself, it was sometimes easy to fall into complacency and hope and pray someone just comes around. I would encourage you seek the Lord and ask “Father, what is the very next step for me? Is this where you are calling me to be or is there something or somewhere you want me to go?”
Maybe it’s moving, or changing churches, or taking a job, or ending an unwise friendship and doing the sometimes uncomfortable thing of finding new friends, or finding a new skill to learn, or volunteer somewhere.
I look back at my years of singleness (I met Scott when I was 25) and there were very real times, when I felt the grace to be where I was, was gone. It was time to move on. The first time looked like me quitting my job to go to missions school. After that I got a new job, and after about a year there, again I sought the Lord what to do. This time, I made a list of 5 options- what are 5 things that excite me. Then I prayed about those things and asked God to make clear to me what to do next and He did, and had I never sought Him, I wouldn’t have gone to South Africa, where I met Scott. When you seek the Lord, you will find Him. He is faithful to show you what’s next, but we must knock, seek, ask, and then when He does make clear the next steps, obey quickly and cheerfully.
5. Find and spend time with married couples that have good marriages
“He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed.” Proverbs 13:20
“As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” Proverbs 27:17
Seek out mentors, older couples, even couples your age with good marriages. One- you never know if they will be part of how your meet your husband. But also, you can grow and learn so much by spending time around good marriages. When we first got engaged Scott encouraged me to really be weary of taking advice from just anyone. You will find when people find out you’re newly engaged or newly married, often they will end up giving you terrible unsolicited advice or a bad testimony of what marriage is- “ball and chain” mentality. So we were intentional with spending time and taking advice from couples that we saw seek the Lord and had good marriages.
6. Jesus is the ONLY ONE who will ever satisfy you
“Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4
“But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper.
Psalm 1:2,3″
Marriage is wonderful, a huge blessing. I love being married and I am so grateful for my husband. But my husband can never fulfill me. You will be sorely disappointed if you go into marriage thinking your husband will satisfy all your desires and needs. He was never meant to carry that expectation. He can’t, only Christ can. So learn to delight in Jesus. Think of Jesus as your eternal husband. Especially when you are feeling lonely in your singleness.
It was during my single years, that I started making a cup of tea for me and a cup of tea for Jesus during my quiet time. This made His presence real. He is alive and with me. It built my faith and my relationship with Jesus and for not only when I was single but this is something I brought into my marriage. When we miscarried in 2019, I felt so incredibly sad and I needed to feel Jesus’ presence. So in my greif and despair, I made a cup of tea for me and for Jesus and sat on the floor full of faith that He was with me comforting me in my sadness. To know and believe Jesus is with me, He loves me, He sees me- that is the greatest comfort in times of hopelessness and despair.
7. Seek First God’s Kingdom- His ways
“Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:33
Live a life of yieldedness to the Lord right now as a single woman. What does God’s Word say? Seek and follow His ways- no matter the cost. I did a whole video on this (linked here) to encourage you in obeying the Lord. This is also practicing submission for when you will be married one day. Because our relationship and willingness to submit to our husband is a direct reflection of our relationship and willingness to submit to Jesus. And so you can already begin practicing submission by submitting to God’s ways. I am so grateful I had mentors that encouraged me to trust in the Lord and His direction of my life when I was single- 1. because I would have never met Scott had I not and 2. I was already living a life of radical obedience as a single woman, so when Scott and I got married, we then got to do it together and I already had a track record of testimonies that God is faithful, even when following Him makes ZERO sense to the world.
There they are. Those are my 7 things I would encourage single ladies to start doing today.
Your single years can be a time of great blessing—it’s a time where patterns are formed and habits are created that can and will shape and bless your future marriage. This is living by faith. Faith that one day you WILL be married, so you can prepare for it today. I look back at my single years and I can see how God was in it, how He faithfully directed my steps in every season. I can see how my prayers for Scott were answered before I even knew him. And what a testimony it will be one day when you do meet your husband! Praise the Lord!
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